What to say

So it’s been a while since my last blog post, other than a connecting walk post in January. Now I’ve pondered why I haven’t posted and it’s mainly because I’ve not had so much to say now I’m not working in the same world I once was!!

It’s been 6 months since retiring from the fire service and my work life and my personal world are different to what they were for 30 years which has led to me looking at what I wanted from these blogs.

However, recently a number of people have asked me when my next post would be and if I’m honest I wasn’t sure I was going to do another one.

This was mainly because I started the blogs as a well-being process for me personally and as a way to empty my mind. It seemed to work and helped with thought processes and rants by writing them down. Recently though, I’ve found my thought processes are calmer and less stressful and this can only be linked to not working in that world anymore.

Now I have more time to focus on my own thoughts, my own well-being and my own family and leisure time it’s meant I have the time to refocus on what I can do to become a better Stoic and “try” to be better at my approach to Stoicism.

I’ve spent some time with old friends and ex colleagues who I regard as friends and it’s nice to meet people and talk less work and more random stuff. This week for example I met and had a coffee with an old colleague who is also a friend and we talked about well-being, his faith, my lack of faith, Halal food, podcasts and more random stuff.

This time was well spent for both is us and I promised him I would write another blog and get back on the blogging regularly.

So my theme this time is happiness, as I recently listened to a podcast of Steven Bartlett,” The diary of a CEO”. Episode 101. The guest Mo Gawdat has come up with the happiness equation. I suggest you listen to the podcast for the full breakdown but the bit that struck a chord with me and that really mirrors Stoicism is this:

Someone says something hurtful, so you think do they like me?

Ask yourself is this thought true?

If it isn’t true then drop the thought as there’s no point in unhappiness

If it is true, is there something I can do about it?

If the answer is yes then do it, don’t wait, just do whatever you need to and move on.

If the answer is no I can’t do anything, then can you accept this and move on despite its presence?

Now this is a very long winded version of Stoic philosophy

“External thinks are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.” Marcus Aurelius

“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will—then your life will flow well.” Epictetus

As always your view will be different to mine on this and Stoic thoughts are not for everyone but maybe listen to the podcast, listen to Mo’s story and why he is this way and then reflect on your own position and situation and whether you can accept things and move on despite their presence.

As for me and this blog, I am going to try and write more and have some thoughts of a simple well-being podcast based on real people and how we deal,with wellness and well-being.

Stay tuned ,stay safe, be kind

❤️

It’s not all about you!!!

I haven’t written a blog for a while for various reasons and then when I was ready to, there was a global event that meant I felt it wasn’t quite right to blog at that time.

However, over the last few days we have seen that global event (the death of Queen Elizabeth the second) spark many reactions in people, and social media has essentially had a meltdown of both pro-monarchy and anti-monarchy commentators.

Now, I’m not going to comment on the death of Her Majesty, my views or the views of others because that’s a personal view and sometimes best kept to yourself!!!

There are also lots of other things going on in my world and yours maybe, where we see people making it “all about them”.

Here are my thoughts and a viewpoint on this;

Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus taught us to to react to others rudeness, selfishness and actions.

“another person will not do you harm unless you wish it; you will be harmed at just that time at which you take yourself to be harmed.” Epictetus

We were also taught that revenge or hate is not the best reaction. To respond with kindness is a better way and at times will be unexpected by the other person. If you understand that their rudeness, selfishness or actions are possibly a mask for something else then the only way to respond is with kindness.

Now, on social media this can be impossibly hard and lengthy and you will feel like Sisyphus pushing the stone uphill only for it to fall back down again when you reach the top.

Unfortunately, on social media, in life, in work, there are many stones that you can try to push uphill but they will continually want to go to the bottom again. These stones or people may enjoy the grind, enjoy the climb and enjoy the fall back down.

Why?

Because it can be all about them, they can be the ones with the attention, the focus and the reactions of others.

Our challenge is to see this for what it is and to not react but to portray some kindness, some tolerance and some understanding.

I’m not religious but in the Bible proverbs 23 tells us: ‘Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words’

There’s also a view that it’s better to abstain from giving your view if you are not fully knowledgeable on the subject.

Maybe we can reflect on these two things when passing comment or opinion on Twitter and Facebook?

Remember there isn’t a stupidity filter on social media.

Now the whole point of this meandering post is this:

If you are the one who thinks it’s all about you and you are the hard done by one then think again. There is always someone in a worse position than you. If you feel someone has harmed you then you can choose how to react. You could choose not to post that tweet or that Facebook comment. You could keep your own council. You could move towards kindness instead of anger, towards empathy instead of hate, towards understanding instead of conflict.

These are not new views or a sudden epiphany by me, this is ancient wisdom written in many religious texts, many philosophical writings and faiths.

“He is wise who doesn’t grieve for the things he doesn’t have, but rejoices for the things he does have.” –Epictetus

Retirement

30 years in one job, one organisation, one uniform is a commitment I’m proud of and proud to have served my community. Living in Birmingham and having served a lot of my career in and around Birmingham stations and Commands I truly feel I have made a difference to the area I live in.

However, I haven’t done this alone and have learnt, lost, gained and progressed along the way. 

Courage, Wisdom, Justice and Moderation are words many of you will have heard me use. That’s because they are the four ancient Stoic virtues and I believe, now more than ever, they are applicable to our daily life and the career we have all chose.

To be successful in this job I feel it’s important to learn as you go along, to reflect and to have a system. It took me many years to find my system and there were a few stumbles along the way, but I would like to tell you these in the following words.

So, I give you these words freely and for you to share, think upon or ignore.

Have the Courage to risk your life when needed. It’s a privilege to be in that position and to have the opportunity to save a life.

Have the Wisdom to know when a life is lost, or a building can’t be saved and make sure you use this wisdom wisely, so you live a long prosperous and virtuous life.

Remember sometimes in this world, there is what you would call Rough Justice, sometimes the innocent don’t survive and we can’t control this.

Moderation is key to everything, too much ruminating or re-living things is the road to ruin. Moderate your reactions to events and you will find that path.

Have the courage to stand up for your convictions or your principles but have the wisdom to recognise when a fight is lost, as you cannot change the mind of a fool.

When standing up for yourself or others remember justice is a virtue even if it means you lose out.

Moderate how much of “You” you give to fighting a cause.

Approach each day with a curious mind, remember the art of a leader is in “getting people to “want” to do what must be done and enjoying the journey”.

You can achieve this and keep your virtue and your principles, but it is hard and at times a lonely road.

Show up each day, be consistent, be kind, if you need to, let the day flow over you, use your wisdom to know when this is required.

Keep your own standards high, polish your shoes, wear your uniform and make an impression by showing others.

Accept people will steal your work, take credit for your ideas and go higher and faster than you, off your slipstream, so use your wisdom to recognise this says more about them than you.

Leave people in a better place than you found them. Sometimes this is a simple as a “thank you”

A hug, a smile, a conversation about something other than work is more important than “the work”

You can be “in the crowd” but not “of the crowd”, and you can always ask about the Elephant in the room if you do it with courage and wisdom.

Blaming others is a waste of energy, use that energy to nourish yourself and grow stronger and not blame others.

Remember when you look back at your career “these will be the good old days”, so don’t mortgage your present for the future.

Try to make your judgement accurately reflect the situation.

Your employer pays your wages so you can live your life, they are not your partner or spouse or your family. Remember your family will be there when your employer isn’t.

Recognise your Egoic mind is always present and you will do well to go against it. Importantly remember others also have their own Egoic mind!

If you get it wrong, try harder tomorrow but also accept it’s ok to get it wrong.

If each day of your life was your whole life, how would you live it?

Recognise when you have enough and realise this might not be the “enough” you think you wanted but is most likely the enough you need.

It takes greater Courage to forgive than to fight and hate.

But more than anything remember this:

“When it comes to it, nothing is more important than people and how you make them feel. If you can leave people with a good feeling, a smile, a laugh or contentment then be satisfied with your day”.

So finally I need to say thank you.

See this as the credits at the end of a 30-year film. You can leave the cinema now or you can stay and watch and hope, like a Marvel film, there is something at the end!

To my wife Sue and our son Joe. Thank you for your guidance, your love, your hugs and your shoulders to cry on.

Your support in the dark times and your laughs in the good times. It was all for you 2.  I wouldn’t be where I am now without you.

As we have talked about for a while now, they can’t sack me for what you think of them.

To my wider immediate family and in-laws. You have been there all along the way and heard the stories, seen the effects and listened.

Thank you for your support.

To my friends, work may mean we aren’t together as much as we would like but still you are there if required. Thank you.

Richard, thank you for the canal walk that day in 2018. (it was a safe place to talk and to cry and remember)

My fire service family and friends, too numerous to name individually over the years but here goes.

The other Sue in my life (work Sue) no words needed, always there to listen, to rant to, and to laugh. Thank you, a lunch or a Lakes meet up is required I think.

Over 30 years there are people who come and go and teams you remember you were a part of.

FF at Ladywood Blue (kindergarten watch), Ward End Blue (years of fun and best watch ever),

Crashed fire Engine, Trauma and hurt leading to 20+ years of debriefing and hopefully helping others.

Management years, B’ham Central (WMGR CS), Ladywood, Bournbrook, Solihull, Community Safety

Fire investigation, best team and lifelong friends.

Birmingham Command best group of Station Commanders and station teams. (We smashed it)

A work trip to LFB post Grenfell leading to a major blip and some time off to heal my mind, for those that were there for me then, for Costas (JE), breakfasts, meet ups etc. Only you and I know the difference it made. Thank you

Occupational Health for the care and support you showed me.

My go to people in PSS for all those questions I asked. (CG, SN, LM, TDP, KDA, JS, PW, TH)

FDS Cohort: a band of brothers and sisters, thank you for your guidance and care and laughs and reaching out. I hope some of you remember what I’ve tried to impart. (OH! and you can be “off duty” remember).

Big up the mighty Command Group 4!!!

Fire Control, what can I say, you ring us more than our families sometimes, you wake us up, you mobilise us, you comfort us and you guide us.

Thank you, my heroes in headsets. (bet you’ll miss me turning out! x) Too many in FC to name but you know who you are.

Special mention to Lucy.

The Covid “Team’s Social” crew, only we know why Gimp masks and Frozen Broccoli is funny, but you kept me sane and we kept each other going, Thank you X

And lastly OLPD, what a team of people we had, we were rocking it, achieving greatness, making people safe and competent, getting the work done, looking to the future. (JE, EW, GL, MF, KE, CM, VB, IS and others).

The fact it wasn’t recognised doesn’t make it any less great. But as we know even Real Madrid change managers after winning titles!!

Lifelong friends who I joined with Eddie, Jason, Jason.

New lifelong friends to take with me. Too many to name.

And as with Pop Master, thank you to anyone else who knows me.

I have always said I don’t know where I start and WMFS ends and which came first, but I know that this organisation has allowed me to live the life I have now and for that I am grateful and thankful.

If we have ever crossed paths for good or bad or for learning then I am either your friend, your enemy or a colleague. Whichever it is, please know that if you ring me for help or support I will be there, as we are all part of something greater and that’s a fire service family.

You can find me on Instagram

bomber_55

leadingintothefire

And finally remember

“We suffer more in imagination than reality”

W6240 Steve “Bomber” Harris.  02/09/1992 – 09/09/2022

Connecting

What three words location /// crisis.prefer.longer.

What three words parking location

In the amazing book “lost connections” Johann Hari talks about what he believes are the 9 causes of depression contrary to the idea of chemical imbalance and many medical ideas and definitions.

Loss of connections to nature, meaningful work, loss of belonging, disconnection from meaningful values, childhood trauma, disconnection from status, disconnection from a secure and hopeful future are some of the areas Hari refers to and expands upon.

I fully recommend the book if you want an insight into depression and it’s causes.

So with this book in mind and as we enter 2023 here’s the plan that’s been formulating in my mind for a while.

I plan to start making connections for both myself and anyone else who is interested.

Inspired by @walkandtalk999 who are doing some inspired work with blue light well-being walks I have decided to start my own version.

Due to work commitments and sporadic dates I cannot commit to a regular weekly walk as walkandtalk999 do, but I can and will commit time to regular walks across the Birmingham and West Midlands area and if possible nationally.

This will be as simple as a date/time and #whatthreewords location. No rules, no agenda, no requirement to talk.

My hope is we can help each other, and build a small/medium or even large group of connections. So if required we all have someone to walk and talk with.

Connecting with the outdoors and nature is proven to help with mental well-being and combine this with a listening ear and maybe we can make small steps to long term well-being?

So the simple idea is to just get out and make some connections for myself and others and maybe, just maybe, we can make a small difference to each other.

So, young, old, working, retired, male, female, need support, need a walk or just intrigued you are all welcome. Each walk will be an hour but you are welcome to leave when you want (no rules).

All you need is the right clothing, the right footwear and the ability to walk. No one will be expected or asked to talk and if you choose not to talk then you wont be asked why either. However if you want to talk

This is not an intervention, a counselling session, a therapy session it is simply an opportunity to take an hour out of your day and make some connections.

hope to see you there on the 31st on on future dates.

For future walks please follow

Facebook: leadingintothefire

Instagram: Bomber_55

Twitter Bomber_55

Walk 1

location ///crisis.prefer.longer.

Parking ///amount.values.found

Date: 31st January 2022

Time: 1000hrs

Whatever the weather I will be there so dress for the weather. Hope to see someone but if not a walk in the park is always enjoyable.

It’s not real life

So I sit here writing this just after England have been knocked out of the World Cup. I also sit here very indifferent to the result and the fact that as a 52 year old Englishman I’ve always had the major tournament elation and disappointment. So I am, in one respect, not too bothered and feel it’s a rite of passage for the youngsters out there to live the same England fan journey of “not quite good enough’

The annoying thing is we will now have to have a few days of misery and introspection from the press, social media, news channels and anyone who remotely feels they have an opinion.

Now in the 90’s this consisted of maybe 3 channels, a few newspapers and your mates at work. But I know full well tomorrow my social media timeline will be full of anyone and everyone thinking they are an expert and giving us their opinion.

Meanwhile we face the biggest cost of living crisis in our lifetime, fuel poverty and food banks are no longer a shock to us, MP’s can just sit on their backsides on TV for 3 weeks and we are most likely heading towards general strikes due to a lack of a decent wage and wage rises. Or even more likely we could see the right to strike outlawed as well as more draconian measures on legal protest.

So when you feel like giving your opinion on the “football” just maybe take a few seconds to internalise that opinion and think about all those people who would like to have watched the game, had the money to travel, the funds to have a pint in the pub whilst the game was on.

As for the result the Stoics would remind us of the Stoic Archer who despite having the best bow, training hard, the best teacher and the best conditions could still miss the target because the eventual outcome is out of their control. As was the football for you tonight.

The lesson here is not to be invested in the outcome but to realise that despite everything you may have done, the outcome is not in your control.

The hard way to learn to deal with this is to become indifferent to the outcome, the result, the poor referee, the missed penalty.

If you try this along with some perspective on what really matters then it is only a game.

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

We have seen this quote before but maybe today and in these times it’s more relevant than ever as we have so many distractions that can tempt us away from just being a good person. Maybe it’s time for a bit more cosmopolitanism, as some of the Stoics would put it that we treat everyone as our brother or sister or as if they were part of our family.

As we approach Christmas you can possibly consider this and think how in some small way you can help someone, be kind, small acts of kindness, big acts of kindness, take time to say thank you, give a smile, be nice.

Also don’t be invested in the outcome, if you give a smile and don’t get one back, be indifferent. Consider the other person may have things going on in their life that you know nothing about but also consider your act, your kindness, you smile may make a difference in some small way.

After all that’s all far more important than the scoreline.

All you can eat.

Remember to conduct yourself in life as if at a banquet. As something being passed around comes to you, reach out your hand and take a moderate helping. Does it pass you by? Don’t stop it. It hasn’t yet come? Don’t burn in desire for it, but wait until it arrives in front of you. Act this way with children, a spouse, toward position, with wealth—one day it will make you worthy of a banquet with the gods.
—Epictetus, Enchiridion, 15

It’s mental health awareness week 2022 as I write this and today I have had a few conversations about mental well-being and in particular not striving for more. The quote above asks us to wait for our desires and to also be moderate in what we take.

We know that beyond a certain level of wealth happiness and satisfaction does not increase. There is a level at which more money or success does not bring more happiness and satisfaction. However we still witness people strive for more, be it money, success, status, latest clothes, promotion, followers or likes.

How many times have you heard a celebrity referred to by the number of followers they have? Success and recognition it seems is given and awarded by the amount of people who like you or think you are saying something good.

We are also in a world where “More” means success, more land, more money, more cars, better phone, better camera, expensive watch, more handbags etc etc. I myself have even thought I should try for more clicks and reads of my blogs!!!

But reading the passage above today and discussing it with someone and re-reading it. It reminds us that maybe we should be happy with our lot, be content with what we have, be aware that what you have right now is more than most.

If you live in a westernised world and are reading this on a device, in a house, or a coffee shop or in your car or on the bus, THEN you are incredibly lucky to be in your position.

So you could take time this week to focus on what you don’t have, what you need, what you crave or what others have over you!! or you could tread the other path. So to finish we turn to Marcus Aurelius

Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.

“Virtue” v Virtue

Photo by Jorge Salvador on Unsplash

“The virtue that leads to enduring happiness is not a quid pro quo goodness. (I’ll be good “in order to” get something.) Goodness in and of itself is the practice and the reward.”

I put this quote from Epictetus as I truly believe it can teach us something about ourselves and more importantly about how we should behave in this world??

It’s not my place to tell anyone how to behave and how to be virtuous but I can comment on the rise of ‘virtue signalling’ in life and in particular social media

It’s not the fault of the current generation that a lot of their lives are spent on social media, conversations, arguments, advice, relationships, life and death are all shared instantly and with hundreds or maybe thousands of friends?

I also, don’t really have too much of an issue with this either, technology has advanced from my childhood and there are more advantages to technology than there are disadvantages.

However, the use of social media for ‘SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS” has become a thing that you see in every timeline/feed no matter what social media platform you use or browse.

Look at your timeline now and see how long it takes you to find a story, a post a tiktok or a photograph of someone showing you the wonderful thing they have done.

It might be an MP saying how they are taking in a Ukrainian family, a tweet about how I saved this cat from terrible death, how I drove 200 miles for a toilet roll for a stranger or how I did this good deed for someone.

Now all of these things may well be genuine, heartfelt, appreciated and valuable. During Covid, the fact we could see kindness everywhere across social media whilst locked in, quite possibly gave us hope in the world and community. But if we look deeply at these things should we ask who the message is really for?

Stoics taught us to be in the world but not of the world, be in the crowd but not part of the crowd. As you know Stoics tried to live a virtuous life by following the 4 virtues of wisdom, courage, justice and moderation. What would they have made of the modern approach to virtue signalling? Would they be asking us our reasoning behind the need to tweet, post, video our kindness? Or would they question if this is really the path to living a virtuous life?

Maybe that’s something we can ask ourselves?

There are some very positive uses of social media for showing your good deeds. We cannot underestimate how much additional charity money has been raised from just giving pages, viral Instagram posts or tweets showing what people are up to or raising awareness of charities, support groups etc.

But every time I see a “virtue signal” I have to ask myself who it is for? Was it posted for a response, was it to try and get “enduring happiness” from a “quid pro quo”

We all hopefully do good and virtuous things and we all will get a nice feeling from this, a feeling that we are helping in this world.

So go out and do something good today, not for a response, not for a thank you or a like or a thumbs up, but because it’s what you do.

You can stand out from the crowd by being the one that doesn’t stand out from the crowd.

You can tread the path of good and virtue by doing your own thing silently, quietly and because it’s what you want to do not what you think others want you to do.

“Content yourself with being a lover of wisdom, a seeker of the truth. Return and return again to what is essential and worthy. Do not try to seem wise to others. If you want to live a wise life, live it on your own terms and in your own eyes.” Epictetus

Kenny

https://unsplash.com/photos/GikVY_KS9vQ?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditShareLink

As always a title to the blog that may take some explaining. In our house there is one song that as my son was growing up we would sing whilst washing up or just anytime. We also heard it as a dodgy cover version in Egypt and all had a good sing along.

The song is of course “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers and is a song about a conversation. Nassir Ghaemi for Psychology today states that the writer David Schiltz later associated the song with getting advice from his father and Nassir goes on to state what the song means to him and its meaning.

Now for me, you could take the song literally about Gambling and knowing when to hold ’em or fold ’em or when to walk away, or you can see that it is about courage, risk and wisdom.

At present I am reading “Courage is Calling” by Ryan Holiday which is obviously about one of the 4 cardinal virtues in Stoicism (Courage, Justice, Temperance and Wisdom) the whole book is about Courage in all its forms and got me thinking about our own forms of courage.

We all know the most obvious forms of courage and if anything ongoing world events in Ukraine show us ultimate courage but also at times the softer more subtle courage can take all of the 4 virtues to achieve.

“Ryan Holiday” refers to Helvidius Priscus the Roman Senator who was commanded by Emperor Vespasian not to appear in the senate. This was a regular tactic to stop people asking questions. It was an intimidation tactic by the Emperor.

Helvidius, according to Holiday, responded: “it is in your power not to allow me to be a member of the senate, but so long as I am, I must go in.”

“but you better not say anything” Vespasian responded.

“Do not ask my opinion, and I will be silent” (Helvidius)

It goes on to show that Helivdius was threatened with death if he was to choose to speak.

Nowadays, thankfully, in most societies and settings there is not the fear of death, but for some the fear of speaking out, can outweigh the need to speak up even if this means compromising their own ethics and virtue.

This is where, for me, “The Gambler” comes into play. Knowing when to hold ’em, fold ’em or walk away is something I have had to learn and develop and at times I’ve played the bluff.

What I have never done though is be afraid to “speak truth to power” to say what others are most likely thinking and to not worry about the resulting consequences.

This is a natural behaviour for me and is one of the 4 virtues to living a good life.

However, it can come at a cost for some and “courage” is hard in some environments especially if you are focussed on the next steps. Next promotion or afraid of the consequences.

At times you will be “out of aces” and you’ve got to learn to play the game and play it right.

“If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realise you have compromised your own integrity” Epictetus

This statement is something we can all learn from and try to live by. If you constantly seek outside approval don’t say or challenge something because you are afraid of not getting approval, not fitting in or someone thinking of you differently then you are compromising. If this compromise is your own ethics and virtue then perhaps it’s time to think again.

The spaces between the spaces.

The spaces between the spaces is a paraphrase from a line in Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull and to be honest it’s a pretty corny line, but, it got me thinking.

As we enter into 2022 I have had some time over the Christmas break and New Year to reflect and look at my own state of mind and that of others. The last few weeks have been different in many respects and as I sit here on the eve of my birthday I am going to try and elaborate on things and a chat I had recently.

It is well documented and plenty of evidence shows that Mens mental health and Mens ability to talk about their problems is a tough nut to crack and can lead to some men making decisions that can have terrible consequences. I have experienced this in my own world and also had a few episodes of my own mental well-being leading to deep thoughts. I am not saying I’ve been down that dark road that others have and I’ve been lucky not to need medicinal support to help with my own mental well-being. However, I know many that have and recently I have found myself talking to men of all ages about how they are coping, about stuff, about emotions and about feelings.

To have these conversations has meant building a level of trust with the men in my life and allowing us all to feel safe in sharing thoughts, emotions, worries and pains.

We have talked about life and deep things that I won’t share here because that isn’t why I’m blogging today. Today is about how I can build on this, how we can explore what talking does and how it helps me and maybe others.

As for the blog title, my own take on this is that sometimes, particularly as men, we are in those “spaces between the spaces”. I can’t fully explain this but for me when I am particularly stressed or my brain is full and things are getting on top then my compulsions surface. This can be watching “Live at the Apollo” and knowing that each letter in Apollo in the sign behind the comedians has a row of five lights across on both sides. Other than the A which only has around 2 rows of five. I can sit and watch this programme and my brain will count these lights “all the time” whilst also listening to the jokes and quite likely I’m tapping my leg or my fingers at the same time.

This tapping will drive my wife insane but up until this very moment both my wife and son don’t know that my brain is also counting lights. This for me is where I am in the “spaces between the spaces”. It becomes a way of dealing with the brain noise and fog and whilst annoying it is at the less extreme end of compulsions.

I am aware that others will have their own compulsions that surface when things are at their worst and that all our coping mechanisms are different and we all need a different level of support or help.

As emergency service workers sometimes the “space between the spaces” are filled by other thoughts and visions and feelings and emotions

In writing down my “Apollo” counting I’m putting myself out there and letting you into a world that few know about with regard me. This is simply for one very distinct and deliberate reason and that is to talk and open up and let you all into the “spaces between the spaces”.

So as always with a blog on this page we finish with asking you to think about yourself, your family, your friends who might be in the spaces, they might be deep between the spaces or right near the top.

You asking or talking or listening or just being there may be enough. It’s easy to slip into the spaces, it’s sometimes easy to get out of them, sometimes it’s hard and, at times , like any difficult situation you may also need some help. This is OK, but maybe you can help by asking if others are ok.

Why do some find consistency so hard?

Something you hear at sports events regularly, “yes they are a bad referee but at least they are consistently bad to everyone”

If you have watched any kind of amateur sport you will have heard this statement and mostly people agree that an amateur referee who makes mistakes but is consistent in these to both sides, whilst frustrating, is acceptable. Why? Well because their mistakes and poor decisions are consistent and they can learn and improve.

When it comes to leadership the same “unwritten” rules can also be acceptable, to a degree.

A leader/manager who makes poor leadership decisions but does it consistently is easier to work with and for, than someone who you are constantly second guessing. Consistency is a key element to good leadership. Leading performance with consistency and empathy can produce astounding results.

As leaders and managers we need to avoid creating our own “Orwellian” farm where everyone is equal but some are more equal than others. This can be easily achieved by being consistent and honest. Difficult conversations are by their nature not easy but if you remain consistent then the person in the conversation at least understands that everyone will be treated the same.

Where leadership fails, and fails regularly, is when a consistent approach is contrary to our view of the world. When taking a consistent approach means long standing relationships may be tested, then leaders tend to fall on the side of “well just this once we can bend the rules”. The downside and long term effect of this is the alienation of those who see the inconsistencies.

When teams and individuals see “it’s ok for us but for you it’s this way” then we break down the fundamentals of leadership and management. That is the, trust and honesty we ask for in our teams.

When we look at leadership books and models the underlying principal is consistent leadership, not compromise.

It’s not easy and at times the price is heavy but the juice can be worth the squeeze.

So if you were to look at your own leadership style, what would you see? Is it ruthless consistency? is it occasional consistency? if you deviate is it for the right reasons? Do you consistently do things right or consistently do the right thing?

As always I pose these questions for you to think about your approach and without malice or accusation.

The best lesson we can learn if we are victim to inconsistencies is to look at Socrates. He said justice consists in helping your friends and your enemies. Help your enemies, or in this case the perpetrators of inconsistencies, to become wise then they will cease to be our adversaries. Wisdom is important and leading others towards wisdom is our challenge.