How does it feel?

Anxiety, depression , stress

Three words I never really focussed on until they happened to me back in 2018. I’ve spoken a number of times on this blog about my own mental health and my own coping mechanisms and how we can all help each other but I have been thinking lately on how these things actually feel when you are going through them, what recovery can look, like and some hope that in the end things can get better.

So I wanted to just put it down in words so you can appreciate how it feels, and how you can’t always see how someone is suffering or affected.

This won’t apply to everyone as people react differently and stress,anxiety and depression are not an exact science for the symptoms or reactions. Also these were and are my own personal reactions and emotions re stress,anxiety and depression and not a panacea of what it’s like.

My hope is if just one person recognises this in themselves or someone they know then it has done some good.

nōn nōbīs sōlum

So here goes.

When you get up tomorrow and get dressed, just put one arm in your T-shirt or top and the other out the neck hole with your head. Put your coat or jumper on and go about your day. You will look (to everyone else) normal but you won’t feel right. You will try your hardest to carry it off as normal, you might embarrassingly tell a few people or some might even notice and ask. But essentially you will just get through the day not feeling “quite right” tomorrow you will dress as normal and maybe wonder what yesterday was all about.

On another day you will have a great start to the day, you’ll get up, get dressed eat your breakfast and then sit to watch TV or do a job and you won’t finish one programme or one job, before your mind wanders or worries or stresses . You may, before you know it, have started 20 things but not finished any of them.

You will go out and socialise and appear normal and you’ll worry that if people found out you were depressed they would say , “well why are you out then?” You will feel like an imposter, a cheat, a fraud because some days you feel great.

You will listen to songs differently and some of those old songs you loved will now make you melancholic and sad and you’re not sure you’ll ever hear them the same again.

TV programmes will suddenly be more intense, what used to make you go “aah” thats sad or “that’s upsetting”, will actually have you in tears, uncontrollable tears and you won’t watch DIY SOS in the same way ever again.

On other days you will feel incredible, brand new, refreshed and ready to face the world and then something, one thing, one small thing, will happen that changes the day and you will wonder, why this thing, why this tiny inconsequential thing has sent you back to the start?

Things may feel hopeless and at times you may feel helpless but hopefully never both at the same time.

BUT then:

You will find, eventually, hopefully, that there is support and help, out there. You will find support and solace in the familiar places, and, in unfamiliar unexpected places. There will be times when your faith in the process waivers and you’re not sure where your recovery is going but you stick with it.

You will still try and carry on as normal but now you will start to see a way ahead and a change in how you feel. There will still be bad days but you will now have the tools and mechanisms to deal with these days. You will also know that you’re not alone and not the only one who has gone through this.

Family, friends, colleagues will be everything and staying focused on them and your own wellbeing should be the new normality for you.

There will still be times when you falter and you will still not be able to watch DIY SOS properly and certain songs are not the same as they were.

But out the spiral you have climbed and now it easier to stay at the top of the spiral and use your knowledge to try and help others .

So instead of eating out to help out, consider reaching out to help out.

Stay safe, stay well, stay connected

All you need are these: certainty of judgment in the present moment; action for the common good in the present moment; and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way. — Marcus Aurelius

Do me a favour? Ask a man how he is?

It’s Movember the time of year where men nationwide grow facial hair in support of men’s mental health and to raise some money and awareness of men’s mental health, prostate cancer, testicular cancer and men’s health in general.

Why do they do this? Well the statistics are troublesome and these are only a few:

In 2019 the suicide rate for men in England and Wales was its highest for two decades at 16.9 deaths per 100,000 compared to 5.3 per 100,000 for women

Men aged 45-49 still have the highest suicide rate

In England, women are more likely than men to have a common mental health problem and are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders. Yet: In 2013 of the 6,233 suicides recorded in the UK for people aged 15 and older 78% were male and 22% were female

In England, around 1 in 8 men have a common mental health problem. However, men may be reluctant to seek support for their mental health or disclose mental health problems to loved ones.

If you read this blog regularly you will know I have had my own issues and talking about them here and openly at work is my way of helping myself and others.

BUT I AM LUCKY because I have a support network and a family who ask how I am and colleagues who check in on me.

Some men don’t have the networks or the words to talk about their own problems, trust me I know.

So what can we do?

Well you could read this link Here and read the tips.

You could try these websites

https://www.samaritans.org

Calm

Papyrus

Mind

There are many more websites and helplines, your GP, your work OH and so on.

But if you’re not the male who needs help and are wondering what you can do, there’s one simple thing you can all do and It’s free and easy.

Ask someone how they are. Try these simple questions

1. How are you doing?

2. Is there anything you want to talk about?

3. How’s your stress level lately?

4. Have you been eating and sleeping?

5. Would you be willing to talk to someone?

6. What can I do for you?

7. When is the best time to check in with you again?

Importantly though just finding the time to ask a question, take some time and show you care could be enough.

So for once in this blog, no quotes, no stoicism, no photos or poem or rants.

Do me a favour? Ask a man how he is?

What a time to be alive

At this moment in time this could be a truth or a lie. I don’t normally post political stuff on here and whilst I will be a bit political in the post it’s for a reason.

Earlier this month 322 members of parliament voted not to extend the free school meals for half term despite us still being in the grip of a national pandemic.

Please go back and read that again.

322 of the people we elect to supposedly represent us, voted not to help those in need, those children who cannot feed themselves and whose parents possibly can not afford to either.

If you look wide enough you can find the rhetoric and falsehoods on why they voted against it. You could believe that the money the government have given local authorities is for this very reason. But it should be as simple as the picture below.

I’ve shamelessly stole this above picture from Twitter because regardless of what you may see or think of the families involved the basic element is one of humanity. We are a modern country and we should care for ALL our children. “Feed them” it’s that simple

So why the blog title “what a time to be alive”?

Well the backlash and response to the vote to not feed our children is one of hope and optimism. The businesses in crisis have responded by offering meals, money, vouchers, help and support to the children. These are the same businesses that may well be on their knees because of the pandemic but they still have the basic compassion to see that the decision is wrong.

This is cosmopolitanism: Diogenes of Sinope is supposedly the origin of the word. He resisted the idea of city-state patriotism by claiming he was a citizen of the world. He suggested every person belonged to a universal fraternity of humankind and that all persons should be treated with a sense of dignity and hospitality as if they were common citizens. Essentially it goes on to bestow a universal reason to treat every person with a sense of brotherly or sisterly love and hospitality, regardless of place of birth or political affiliation.

Maybe this is something our politicians could ponder??

So we have seen that the public in their outcry, the businesses in their generosity are showing that hospitality and love to our children.

So we must take hope from this and consider this is the best and safest time to be alive, regardless of the pandemic you are safer now than at any point in history in all aspects of your life. See Here for the graphs or read “The better angels of our nature” by Steven Pinker

I’m not here to write for my own self glorification it’s merely a way of emptying my brain and helping me make sense of things, so as you read this blog and most likely forget it after an hour or a day please if you do nothing else take hope that this is the time to be alive. Comprehend the incredible amount of chances that had to align for you to be sat here reading this, how your ancestors had to survive the toughest of times to be able to reproduce down thousands of years so you could be born. How things have aligned for you to be reading this and not born a thousand years ago when you wouldn’t be fighting for your MP to vote to feed children but fighting to stop someone killing you and your children for your food.

This is an incredible time to be alive, take joy from it, remember it won’t be easy, look out for those less fortunate, look after the ones you love, have patience and tolerance for those you don’t and most of all remember we are all part of humankind and not everyone is part of the 322.

“How does it help…to make troubles heavier by bemoaning them?”: Seneca

Blue lights responders: are we like Pavlov’s dogs?

I write this blog after a Weekend on duty where it was a busy one for phone calls and a few incidents to attend. On Friday I received a new work phone and set it up so that it rang and text in the same way. On reflection I did this because after nearly 10 years on the flexi duty system I have become conditioned to the sound of the phone ringing and my subconscious associates the sound with fire control ringing me. That sound coupled with caller ID saying “fire control” and my senses change slightly, my adrenaline changes and my body gets ready to respond.

Now, when fire control call, it isn’t always for an incident, it can be an admin call, a question or just a query. But as with Pavlov’s dogs my body and mind cannot tell the difference.

So we need to consider, and there is plenty of research if you want to find it, that we, blue light responders are essentially displaying the Pavlov dog conditioned response. Be that the bells on station, your pager going off, the ambulance radio, the police radio or the phone.

There is evidence both for and against the link between coronary heart disease in firefighters and the blue light response causing prolonged tachycardia.

I’m not going to quote or raise the research but what I do know and what I have seen is that we all have a conditioned response to the emergency call. Similar to my last post where we see our cities by the incident, fires and fatalities we have seen, we also answer our phone or react to our pagers because of the conditioned response and we can’t control it.

So a pager buzzing to tell me that the staffing is ok gives me the same response as when it says there is a 10 pump fire. The post pager reaction may be different but the time taken to get the cortisol and adrenaline back to normal varies.

Consider this scenario if you want one picture of how it is:

0120hrs phone rings, fire persons reported, “yes book me mobile please”. I proceed on a 23 minute blue light drive whilst trying to wake up, be traffic aware, listen to the radio messages and think what I might face when I arrive.

0140hrs book in attendance, see that firefighters have put the fire out but have also been doing CPR on the person they rescued. They have worked hard and given the person the best chance of surviving. As always they have done the best they can, faced the dangers and given someone a chance of surviving.

Paramedics and doctor take casualty to the ambulance, there is a lull whilst we gather our thoughts and consider the cause, make sure the neighbours are ok, talk to the police and just try to lower our levels of energy and heart rates.

At this point I haven’t really done anything other than drive and get dressed in fire kit and make sure the firefighters are ok.

We get a message the casualty is awake and talking but also 75 and has had smoke inhalation and CPR so we don’t celebrate just yet but we hope.

I make sure the crews are ok, look at the scene with the incident commander, discuss a likely cause, leave it with the IC and get back to my car.

0230hrs drive home, arrive 0305hrs get back into bed but your cold, your mind is busy, you try to put thoughts in order and eventually get off to a disturbed sleep where your dreams are realistic.

Now I’m not relaying this so you feel sorry for me and I can honestly say the most dangerous part of that incident for me was the blue light drive. But the conditioned response that Pavlov found is the same as if I’d been out 7 hours at a large fire.

So this brings me to the question: as I near the end of my fire service career and the need to respond to emergencies, can we recondition ourselves ready for a new life away from blue lights?

I’m not sure I have the answer but I suspect someone who reads this will have a view or will at least think about it next time you leave the house on a call or the phone rings.

I would encourage you to think about your conditioned responses, or the responses of those you love, live with or socialise with.

Helping us normalise our reactions, our responses and understanding is the road to a normal life and a normal future.

“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions – not outside.” – Marcus Aurelius.

Time and Motion

02/09/1992, that was the day 28 years ago when I walked into Coventry fire station at the start of training school on day one of my fire service life. With a fair wind, some good fortune and staying healthy I will retire on 09/09/2022. That means on the day I release this blog post I am within two years of retiring from my career, the job I love, the job that has made me the person I am.

The same job that has tested me to my limits, shown me the good and the dark sides of this world. Shown me the limits we can take our bodies too. Shown me what we will risk for people we don’t know and what we will risk for people we do.

Public service is a service intended for all members of the community, I can honestly say over the years I and my colleagues have seen and served all members of the community in all circumstances regardless of their position in society.

This is what makes it such a worthwhile role.

But time and motion march on and as I look towards the future and start planning for the next stage it’s good to look back and consider what the Fire Service gives us and has given me but to also consider what the future holds. We also need to look at what a blue light career takes away?

There are pictures and images and thoughts and conversations that will never leave me. Some of these I look back on fondly and treasure as memories of good times, happy times and crazy times.

There are other thoughts, memories, images and flashbacks that I can’t forget but some of which I would like to. However our minds don’t work that way. Accepting this is part of the price you pay for the life in emergency services. Knowing you will always have things you can only talk to colleagues about, incidents and images you will never tell your family the full story of is also another price you pay.

For most people you remember your city and your environment by the bars, the clubs, your school or places you have happy memories of.

For emergency workers we remember our city by the places we have seen incidents, there are roads we can’t drive down without remembering a death, a fire, a car crash or some trauma. This is the price you pay, the cost, the toll.

For most of us there is always that little bit of you that you lose at a traumatic incident, that you never get back.

However the rewards, the elation and the adrenaline when it all goes to plan are also worth the risk to your life and your mental health.

Trying to keep the balance right is the test and the challenge.

So as I look to the future it’s time to make sure we are all as well as we can be. I can try and look after my own mental well being and when I need to, I can, and will, ask for help.

We can all ask others if they are ok but also accept that at times people will say they are when they aren’t.

We can make sure those who retire from the emergency services are not forgotten as evidence tells us that being away from the fold can make those thoughts and images return.

The words below are more of a lament by John Lennon to places of his childhood but it’s words speak to me in a slightly different way.

There are places I remember all my life
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.

Lennon and McCartney

Stay safe, stay well, look out for others, ask for help, offer help.

Strength and Trials

Strength is just the ability to care more deeply than anyone else around Tara Coleman “Treadstone”

The above is a quote from “Treadstone” a tv programme based on the Jason Bourne movies. I have repeated it here because in June it struck a chord with me when I was watching the programme but the draft blog has sat here in my drafts folder since then.

7th July was my last blog post and that’s too long for me to maintain regular readers but that was never the point of this blog. As you may recall the blog was a personal one after my stress, anxiety and depression and was a means of sharing my story and hopefully my thoughts on mental health and leadership so that others may get some solace and or support.

So we arrive at this blog, “strength and trials” since July the 7th I can say I’ve had to have strength and faced some trials all of which have made me consider that despite what my head might think, my brain isn’t actually fully recovered from the anxiety and depression. I say this, not to worry those around me but to stay true to my commitment to share my experiences so others may share theirs.

As a fire officer I see and experience things that, at times, are not part of the normal world of most people. Be that assisting police with body retrieval following suicide or assisting police to gain access for someone attempting suicide, Serious traffic collisions, fire deaths, serious accidents etc.

When these types of things occur around anniversaries in my life or occasions I would rather forget, then my mind takes over and I experience the reactions. This could be, and has been, tears, struggling to talk about incidents, seeing old images in my head and so on.

I know this is normal, I know it’s what happens to lots of people and I know I will slowly recover from it. However what has become evident is that the things that caused my anxiety and depression are still there and only just below the surface, almost as if there’s only the mask over them. I know this and I know, now, how to deal with it

but for example.

Trying to tell my wife about a suicide incident two days before the anniversary of my dear friends death was a sentence I couldn’t get out. The words got stuck. Trying to talk to others about a friend who had some awful news, the words got stuck. Been asked about how someone told me about J’s death triggered emotions and tears that I thought were deeper then they actually are.

Strength is just the ability to care more deeply than anyone else around.

When I don’t have this strength I have people around me that do.

Trials, life sends us these trials, it tests us, some will turn to religion, some to their own form of faith, some will adapt others will fall.

Trials such as hearing news that’s someone’s 22 year old child has passed away. Trials in dealing with people you don’t necessarily want to deal with. Trials in trying to understand this world and your place in it.

Strength is just the ability to care more deeply than anyone else around. Is this when you become the person who cares more deeply than anyone else?

So I sit here now facing, as we all do, an uncertain future. We don’t know how long we will be in Covid restrictions, how long we will be employed, if our health will last, and so on.

But what we do know is our own strength or areas of strength. We know where to get it from and who to ask for support. Well hopefully we do?

If you don’t know where to find this, then ask, speak out and tell people you don’t have the strength, ask for help as it will be there somewhere.

I have accepted that I won’t 100% recover from my anxiety and depression and whilst I’m still in the same profession then it will be hard to fully recover. I have talked about this with my wife and this blog post so that it’s all out there. We know when it’s hard and we know the signs and when it’s time to take time to stop.

Do you know the signs? Does your network know the signs and are they confident enough to tell you?

So whether you are a sufferer, whether you are ill or recovering or somewhere in between. If you are a support for someone or for many then be brave, be confident, be courageous and be honest.

“It’s time you realized that you have something in you more powerful and miraculous than the things that affect you and make you dance like a puppet.” – Marcus Aurelius

“I may wish to be free from torture, but if the time comes for me to endure it, I’ll wish to bear it courageously with bravery and honour,” Seneca

Return

More and more we are hearing “the new normal”, “things won’t be the same”, “when we get back to some sense of normality”, “things will never be the same”.

We hear these words from government, media, companies, employers, social media etc and they all feel like they are there to scare us, to keep us under wraps to ensure compliance.

After the first world war and the Second World War, things weren’t the same but that was a different generation. For some, things were never the same after the AIDS crisis, after the famines. For my generation things weren’t the same after the IRA campaigns, The Falklands, The Gulf War and 9/11.

For today’s generation there’s the ongoing threat of terror attacks , knife crime, drugs and now COVID.

When we look back though, we know things weren’t quite the same afterwards, but we don’t really recall what we miss from the days before. This is because despite what the media and government want you to think, we are resilient. Yes we can reminisce and say it wasn’t like this in my day, beer was cheaper, people cared more, you could leave your doors unlocked and a fight was fists and not knives, but in reality we adapt to the situation before us, we always have, that’s why humans evolved and thrive. Darwin wasn’t entirely wrong surprisingly!!!

In the UK and around the world we have shown resilience and the will to adapt to what life brings us, the blitz spirit, the people of London going back to work after the London bombings, the public tackling terrorists with narwhal tusks are evidence of how we adapt and thrive.

Resilience is something we all have in varying degrees and we can all work on our own resilience but it does take work and hard work.

We can also protect ourselves from the dangers we face. It’s in our DNA to avoid danger: fight, flight or freeze saved your distant ancestors from death and social interaction and community made us the society we are today. The need for co-operation, reciprocity and shared learning meant we evolved as this social species. The danger in the “New Normal” is that we start to lose some of this spirit and promote a more selfish and insular environment sat behind our screens and avoiding contact!

Resilience

I was talking to a very dear friend of mine today and he told me about the “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters” by Portia Nelson Link. Now I can wax lyrical about resilience and how we move forward from today towards the future, but for anyone struggling and seeing every day as the same or worrying about the future when we return to normal, then please have a read of the poem in the link above?

Which chapter are you in?

Which chapter do you want to be in?

Remember it’s not your fault which chapter you are in but it is in your power to move to a different chapter to take a different street.

As always the Stoics give us some guidance on our role in life and they remind us to consider what is in our control and what isn’t.

Epictetus: Remember that you are an actor in a play determined by the author: if short, then short; if long, then long. If he wants you to act as a beggar, then act even that with excellence, just as a cripple, a ruler or a citizen. Because that is your objective: to act the role that is given to you well. To select the role is up to someone else.

So as we return to the world that we knew back in February, realise it will be different. Perhaps consider your chapter, what’s in your control, what will you accept and what will you choose? What part will you play?

Much like the archer you can choose the best arrow, hold the bow correctly, line up the shot but even then hitting the target is out of your control.

The need to get out of your own head and the “new normal”

The title of this post is a paraphrase of a conversation I had recently. At the start of lockdown and working from home I set up a twice weekly lunchtime social on Microsoft Teams for work colleagues. The premise was, 2 one hour slots a week at lunch time for social chat and banter. My aim was to allow a few of us who thrive on social contact to just chat about stuff, no work, no real moaning, a bit of fun and a chat.

Initially it worked well and we had a retirement farewell for a couple of colleagues as well. As time moved on we have shrunk to a core of people who regularly dial in and we talk. We talk rubbish at times, we have covered, where do you live, cooking, exercise, home schooling, pop quiz, baby pictures etc etc.

We have also though, looked out for each other, as the core group have got closer we have learnt about each other,each other’s anxieties and worries and home working problems. We’ve learnt about what we are worried about, how we might face going back to normal.

Note I said normal and not a “new normal” but more of that later?

So back to the title, “getting our of your own head”. It was good that my colleague felt they could share this in our close knit “virtual group” and it did make us all think about our own thoughts and anxieties. It was nice that we felt we had a safe place to share, talk, worry and comfort. Lockdown and home working is making this hard, anxieties, worries, stresses and strains are more heightened and it’s easier to focus on these and not the future.

James Stockdale the US military POW who survived years in a Vietnam prisoner of war camp talked about how he survived. Stockdale had studied philosophy and in particular Epictetus. In an interview with author James C Collins, Stockdale talked about his mindset for survival:

Stockdale explained that he “never lost faith in the end of the story”:

“I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

When asked who didn’t make it out alive, Stockdale’s response was simple: the optimists.
“They were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.
“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” Link

I have talked about this in our weekly chats and for some it was relevant and others may have struggled with it but it’s there for you to ponder if you are struggling.

Remember this will end, things will get better, we will all be able to meet again.

So, back to that “new normal” phrase.

It has almost become a reason to excuse people’s behaviours, to justify something different to keep people in the state they are in. Using it without thinking is a dangerous game, some are not looking forward to a “new normal” and want to go back to a sense of normal. Yes things will be different and some things may never be the same again but we stopped defining people as normal and different some time ago. Schools don’t refer to normal and abnormal pupils. You don’t refer to colleagues as normal and abnormal.

But we seem to easily have dropped into a “new normal” mindset.

Consider the people who thrive on consistency, routine, timeframes, procedure. This may be their coping mechanism, their stress relief and their way of dealing with the world. To suddenly tell them they have to adapt to a “new normal” could have far reaching consequences.

So maybe next time you use the phrase, consider your audience, consider the potential impact of the words? Take the time to seek to understand if normal for you is different for them but still acceptable. In trauma recovery we talk that any reaction is normal and it’s normal to react. There are no abnormal reactions to stress and trauma and we are in a stress and trauma situation.

New normal is just the old normal but a bit different

Kindness not Blindness

As I sit here pondering this latest blog I am conscious of my lucky position in the world at present. I am at the moment healthy and don’t appear to have any Covid symptoms. My family and closest friends are also thankfully not affected yet by the virus. I am also lucky to be a key worker and still getting paid.

I am though acutely aware of the impact Covid is having on my life and those around me, this may well be lifestyle, shopping, entertainment, social life, exercise, family or work. I am also aware that the Mental Health impact of Covid lockdown restrictions is not yet fully know and understood. We appear to be heading towards a mental health crisis of unprecedented proportions if we don’t get a handle on what is needed for this suffering.

Peoples reactions to those suffering is at times inspiring, at times worrying and at time downright nasty. We are at a crisis point of the lockdown and the slight lifting of restrictions whilst welcomed by some will accentuate the anxiety and crisis of others.

Famous and rich doesn’t mean happy, doesn’t mean suffering less, some of the social media keyboard warriors reactions to celebrities who have been brave to say how they are suffering is staggering. Just because you are famous, rich and in a large house, doesn’t mean you are mentally strong and not affected by isolation, disease and suffering.

“Where has our compassion gone?”

There are numerous examples of people doing kind things locally, shopping for neighbours, clapping the key workers, looking out for the vulnerable.

These same people are at times also ranting at shop staff for having to queue, taking to social media to hound shop keepers who they believe are profiteering and criticising people who may well just be out for exercise. These same people will also be the ones shouting for pubs to reopen and sports to recommence.

“Kindness not blindness”

So with this in mind my thoughts can only be for my own actions. Kindness can be hard at these times, blindness can be easy. It’s easy to take to social media to type away your thoughts on those you believe are not playing their part. Just as it was probably easy 75 years ago to criticise those not fighting.

Now is not the time for hate and vitriol, it is a time for caring, a time for compassion. As the lockdown eases spare a thought for those who may be expected to go back to work but who are also anxious about their own health and the effects. Following the easing road plan this is going to be very hard for some as they will be both expected to go back to work but also be worried about their own safety.

There are decisions and actions outside of our control, so we can let them affect us or we can take a different view of the decisions of others and our reactions to them. What we can always control are our own reactions to events and our own response to the views and actions of others. If it helps refer back to the Stoic virtues mentioned in previous posts.

Wisdom, morality, courage and moderation.

“Stay safe, stay kind, be wise and gracious“

Seneca, Epistles 24.13–14

So remember this above all, to strip away the disorder of things and to see what is in each of them: you will learn that nothing in them is frightening but the fear itself. What you see happening to boys, happens to us too (slightly bigger boys). Their friends – the ones they are accustomed to and play with – if they see them wearing masks, they are terrified. The mask needs to be removed not just from people but from things, and the true appearance of each restored.

Acquiesce

Acquiesce: To accept something reluctantly but without protest.

Acquiesce: Oasis song written by Noel Gallagher, reportedly about friendship in the widest sense. Also one of very few Oasis tracks to feature both Gallagher brothers on lead vocals.

A snippet of Acquiesce lyrics:

Chorus: Because we need each other
We believe in one another
And I know we’re going to uncover
What’s sleepin’ in our soul
Because we need each other
We believe in one another
I know we’re going to uncover
What’s sleepin’ in our soul
What’s sleepin’ in our soul

Verse 3: There are many things
That I would like to know
And there are many places
That I wish to go
But everything’s depending
On the way the wind may blow
I don’t know what it is
That makes me feel alive
I don’t know how to wake
The things that sleep inside
I only wanna see the light
That shines behind your eyes

Now I love this Oasis song and whilst I was never lucky enough to see them sing it live I was lucky enough to see Liam sing it last year. The lyrics seem more relevant and pertinent today than maybe they ever have . The word itself and its definition are also something to ponder during this period.

We are in a unique situation (albeit enforced) to sit and reflect on our actions, our relationships, what things mean to us. As the lyrics state “we need each other” “we believe in one another” and we are maybe going to uncover “what’s sleepin in our soul”

The verse covers how we also might be feeling at present, there are many places we wish to go, many things we would like to know but everything is depending on the wind. In this case the wind of decision from governments and the WHO.

Is it right that we Acquiesce at this time? That we accept without protest the lockdown and the situation we are in? If you were to believe some areas of the press or the crazy Americans then we should be protesting and demanding our freedoms, our right to choose.

If you accept the numbers and the death reports then yes we should accept the lockdown and stay at home to save lives. It may not be the life of someone you know but at this time any life we save by staying in is important.

So that brings us to using the time we have at home to make something valuable, to reflect on our situation, review our habits, our lifestyles our indulgences. You are probably indulging more in food and alcohol at present but I bet you’re not spending as much on clothes. Does this mean the clothes you already have are sufficient? Have you got enough of everything if you really think about it?

Then we have the way the current situation might be affecting our state of mind our anxieties, our stress, our worries and our pains. You will be worried during this time, you will be anxious and you will occasionally be scared. This is OK, it’s normal, it’s expected, it’s healthy to some degree.

We have time and space during this period to look again at what we do in our lives, the people we know and meet and interact with. We have the time to take the time to think, to reflect, to ponder.

I’m not saying you will find answers to everything but you also won’t find answers in staying in the anxiety or the worry. It is hard and it is a long path but it’s worth the effort.

When lockdown starts to lift and we are allowed to go out more it will be difficult. It will be akin to the time of the plague where we may be wearing a modern version of a beak mask.

Plague doctors wore a mask with a bird-like beak to protect them from being infected by deadly diseases such as the Black Death, which they believed was airborne. In fact, they thought disease was spread by miasma, a noxious form of ‘bad air.’ To battle this imaginary threat, the long beak was packed with sweet smells, such as dried flowers, herbs and spices.

This is why we need to accept, for now, our situation, we need to acquiesce for the good of everyone. We shouldn’t blindly accept everything we are told and we should hold people and the government to account, but these will still exist afterwards and if we are not careful so will our worries and our anxieties.

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there “ Edwin Louis Cole