The spaces between the spaces is a paraphrase from a line in Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull and to be honest it’s a pretty corny line, but, it got me thinking.
As we enter into 2022 I have had some time over the Christmas break and New Year to reflect and look at my own state of mind and that of others. The last few weeks have been different in many respects and as I sit here on the eve of my birthday I am going to try and elaborate on things and a chat I had recently.
It is well documented and plenty of evidence shows that Mens mental health and Mens ability to talk about their problems is a tough nut to crack and can lead to some men making decisions that can have terrible consequences. I have experienced this in my own world and also had a few episodes of my own mental well-being leading to deep thoughts. I am not saying I’ve been down that dark road that others have and I’ve been lucky not to need medicinal support to help with my own mental well-being. However, I know many that have and recently I have found myself talking to men of all ages about how they are coping, about stuff, about emotions and about feelings.
To have these conversations has meant building a level of trust with the men in my life and allowing us all to feel safe in sharing thoughts, emotions, worries and pains.
We have talked about life and deep things that I won’t share here because that isn’t why I’m blogging today. Today is about how I can build on this, how we can explore what talking does and how it helps me and maybe others.
As for the blog title, my own take on this is that sometimes, particularly as men, we are in those “spaces between the spaces”. I can’t fully explain this but for me when I am particularly stressed or my brain is full and things are getting on top then my compulsions surface. This can be watching “Live at the Apollo” and knowing that each letter in Apollo in the sign behind the comedians has a row of five lights across on both sides. Other than the A which only has around 2 rows of five. I can sit and watch this programme and my brain will count these lights “all the time” whilst also listening to the jokes and quite likely I’m tapping my leg or my fingers at the same time.
This tapping will drive my wife insane but up until this very moment both my wife and son don’t know that my brain is also counting lights. This for me is where I am in the “spaces between the spaces”. It becomes a way of dealing with the brain noise and fog and whilst annoying it is at the less extreme end of compulsions.
I am aware that others will have their own compulsions that surface when things are at their worst and that all our coping mechanisms are different and we all need a different level of support or help.
As emergency service workers sometimes the “space between the spaces” are filled by other thoughts and visions and feelings and emotions
In writing down my “Apollo” counting I’m putting myself out there and letting you into a world that few know about with regard me. This is simply for one very distinct and deliberate reason and that is to talk and open up and let you all into the “spaces between the spaces”.
So as always with a blog on this page we finish with asking you to think about yourself, your family, your friends who might be in the spaces, they might be deep between the spaces or right near the top.
You asking or talking or listening or just being there may be enough. It’s easy to slip into the spaces, it’s sometimes easy to get out of them, sometimes it’s hard and, at times , like any difficult situation you may also need some help. This is OK, but maybe you can help by asking if others are ok.
Leading into the fire 