Broken Hearts and Broken Minds
Broken Hearts and Broken Minds
This is a difficult one to write this week.
Once again I’m sitting here writing about mental health and the multitude of things that affect a persons mental health. Nationally this week suicide has become big in the news again and locally in my working world.
I’m not going to comment on either of the above or discuss the consequences of suicide or the causes of mental health in society and who if anyone is to blame in some cases. I didn’t know either Caroline Flack or Firefighter Andrew Moore and know there will be many people who want to appoint blame.
I’ve read some Facebook comments over the last week where people are quick to blame others for things they know very little about or where people hypocritically now blame others after the event when they were quick to target the victim during their life. (See numerous social media sites where previous haters of Caroline are now mourning her death and blaming the media!!)
We could easily start the blame game and believe me my finger hovered over the “post” button when reading a certain persons comments about things in my working world. It’s easy for retired people to make comment on “how it was in their day” and that people were treated better. I may even in some respects agree with them,
BUT,
Why would I drag myself down and start to blame when we need to start to be kind, compassionate, caring, open, honest, have integrity and trust?
My response to a Facebook question from a colleague in relation to mental health awareness training was this: (edited)
Mental health awareness is a great thing but it has to be an organisational thing that is embraced by all. As a society we are a long way from understanding the issues and as a sector we have other challenges that contribute to the wider issues. Generally there are a number of things that contribute to someone’s mental illness and as long was keep talking about it and each of us talking about our own issues and illness then we can keep chipping away. There is no single solution but a widespread acknowledgement that we need to invest and talk.
So let’s see if we can do that.
Investment isn’t always money, investment is time and we have a lot of that. We can find the time to talk about things, we can individually ensure we are open to others to talk and listen. We can, as leaders, ensure we talk about our own issues, our own fears, our own thoughts and emotions. This costs very little.
I was recently asked in an interview what I was like on a good day and bad day. The answer to a bad day was that I tell people when I’m having a bad day. I’m open to telling people when I’m not coping or if I’m mithered or having a manic day.
We can all make sure we do this, we can be open, we can be honest with ourselves and others. Suicide is rarely sparked by one single event and we know males in particular are not so good at the sharing of feelings, of thoughts, of how we are, of how we are suffering, of where our mind is.
For me recognising I wasn’t well was the hard part, my wife and I have discussed this today and this blog, and it’s up to all of us to recognise if someone “isn’t right”, “acting differently”, “out of character”, “not themselves” etc etc.
However, been open to talking, sharing, admitting you’re not well and having someone to spot the signs still may not be enough for some and we will not manage to save everyone.
But,
If we don’t try we won’t save/help/support anyone.
So you can rant on social media, you can start a petition for a new law, you can blame anyone and everyone, you can give to charity.
All are admirable, all are worthwhile and all will make a difference in some way but all will take time. Talking today about how you feel, admitting you need help, allowing others to talk and accepting that some of us at times can’t talk but need to know you are there, all of this is immediate and you are all able to do it.
I’m on holiday at the moment which is good for reflecting and refocusing but it does allow your mind to wander and ruminate. As with everything trauma related time is a healer in most cases and slowly my mind has stopped thinking so much about Caroline and will eventually stop thinking about Andrew and his colleagues.
This doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means my mind is finding a way. As with all people taken too soon my heart won’t fully mend.
What will I do when I get back from holiday? I don’t know exactly but I will not stop talking about the issues, I will not stop raising my hand when the questions need to be asked, I will not stop telling people when I’m having a bad day and I will make sure my teams and my colleagues see me doing this, setting the example, slowly chipping away.
Leading into the fire 
Another brilliant blog – so timely. Pointing the finger doesn’t help, looking at ourselves and our own behaviours is a start, but the difficulty is that everyone makes a choice. We may not understand it and there is a lot of support out there. Some take up that support and still make a choice we find hard to comprehend.
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Bomber, I really get what you’re saying, I really do,
But,
Sometimes organisational values will never accomplish what is required when chasing stats over the importance of team members. Performance in some organisations is all abour reporting on statistical values and not what is really inportant. In large organisations you will have people like yourself and I, who can proudly say that we know or knew, our immediate team, to such a degree, you know how they all are from a simple ‘good morning, how you all doing’ and their reaction to this question. At a local team level this works, from an organisational level it fails dramatically. Why? Good question. I believe the personal touch, the understanding and the true belief in a teams mental health isn’t taken seriously, or at worst not even noticed. I have many examples of this which I choose not to reveal publicly where the system is sadly broken and people are suffering in silence. Your staff have to feel worthy, respected, trusted and empowered to not only achieve their own goals but also the organisations goals. Leaders have to have understanding and empathy toward their team to understand their dynamics. Sometimes the bigger picture is lost in what really matters.
Bomber, keep up the fight and please don’t see this as a negative post, but I do speak from experience. You are a welcome voice to many people, including myself. Small changes will make the difference. It is good to talk…
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Bob, thank you for taking the time to comment and I would never see any comment as a negative. As mentioned in my blog I do in some ways agree with the retired FF who said it was never like this and I fully understand your points and we can both problems name people who do not have that understanding and empathy.
My posts are only ever to make people think and hopefully they are, whether they make the RIGHT people think is beyond my control and staying true to Stoic values I cannot control them or there ways.
What I can do and always will do is lead by example and make sure my teams and anyone around me know I am there and will listen.
Keep replying and commenting mate as it at least makes me feel someone reads them!!!
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