The title of this post is a line from the last episode of Peaky Blinders where Arthur Shelby appears to reach out to Tommy Shelby over where he sees his life going and his marriage. Arthur is suffering and doesn’t know how to deal with it but to shout out to his beloved brother.
This week I have seen and witnessed that moment where someone reaches out. I have had a lot of conversations this week about my own mental health that of colleagues and of friends and will try to capture the essence below.
In a week where I heard of another sad emergency worker loss to suicide it has made me want to write this post, as on a number of occasions people have said my posts help. This is both humbling and encouraging.
Recently I haven’t had the urge or desire to write a post as I didn’t know what to say. I have a number of draft posts with numerous titles such as loyalty, betrayal and trust, therapy not therapeutic, beneath the shadows of heroes and when leadership fails. However I keep getting drawn back to control and the Stoic dichotomy.
In a post this week from a friend, in and out of my control was mentioned. In two chats today it was talked about.
“I need to be more like you Steve and not let it bother me” was one chat. Another chat was with a colleague to whom I could only offer the signpost of some specialist support.
These people were in some way like Arthur, they may not have been sinking but they were reaching out to ask for help or a kind word to stop them from maybe sinking.
In all cases to very different degrees the underlying issue is recognising when things are out of your control.
We are all stronger in some ways than others. Some will be better swimmers than you and you would need their help if in deep water.
You may well be a better climber than them and would give them a hand over rough terrain.
Others will be the wise old sage offering advice to the young bucks who know it all but haven’t lived it yet.
Each of us in our own way will either be sinking or swimming or doing just fine.
Each of us in our own way needs to recognise the difference and when to ask for help.
Recognising the things you can change and the things you can’t, the old serenity prayer, is one way of approaching this. It’s not the only way but it’s the one I look back to regularly.
This week has been a tough week, I’ve recognised some signs of the pressures building and I’m working on my own well being, I’ve recognised that at times you have to let people down to ensure your own well being. I’ve recognised when to fight a battle and when to not and realise the outcome isn’t in my control.
I’ve seen others hurting this week and reaching out, which is a good sign but makes me ask you all this:
“When this week did you take the time to see how somebody was?
Did you at any point this week, ask and ask again?
Have you thought about your own actions affects on others this week and if you could have handled something differently?”
I’m not here to preach to you or make you do things but maybe I can at the very least ask you to consider the questions above……..
“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions — not outside.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Leading into the fire 