Don’t mortgage your future for the present

The title of this post was a discussion I had during my therapy over the last 12 months and is something I have discussed again today nearing the end of a strange week.

This week I have had a few deep chats and discussions with people who needed time to talk and think and maybe take some time out. If they are reading this they will know who they are!!

Its been a strange week as a father, friend, Fire Officer and Husband.

Our son has gone back to university so the house is just that little bit more empty again and will take some getting used to.

Its a week where we remembered a young life sadly gone too soon, 1 year ago.

I had a coffee and chat with someone who just needed an ear and a reassurance that the world is sometimes S*&T but we keep on keeping on

It’s that week where 343 becomes a thought in our minds again (you will know the relevance of the number if you are in the fire service)       Gone but not Forgotten

We heard some news of a retired colleague who is gravely ill and unlikely to recover

We had some news of another colleague who has had a diagnosis no one ever wants!

And yet tomorrow I go to celebrate with a colleague and friend who is retiring after 30+ years service

And at the end of all this I come back to the one thing I know for now is my constant.

Family,

I have a wife who knows when I’m struggling to say the bad news about a colleague and doesn’t need to ask me, she just knows

A son who may be 3 hours aways but can make me smile with a Whats App Gif

Family members who will be there if I need them (don’t worry family I’m ok)

and friends in both respects, ‘Friends’ the TV show and friends. One will always make me laugh the other will always be there if needed.

So when we say

“dont mortgage your future for the present” for me that means:

• Work doesn’t extend into family life
• Work phone goes off at the end of the day
• Rota days are exactly that
• Work will still be there tomorrow
• You can only answer so many emails in a day
• Feelings are more important than targets
• Conversations work better then emails
• You need to work but you do need to live

So if you think you are mortgaging your future for the present only you can do something about it. To aid you maybe some Stoic thinking will help?

Dichotomy of control: Epictetus

Some things are within our power, while others are not.

Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing;

not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing. (Enchiridion 1)

essentially and simply:

Some things are in your control so you don’t need to worry about them

Other things are not in your control so why worry about them

What I think of you is not in your control so don’t worry about it.

How you react to what I think of you is in your control so you have power over it.

Whether you chose to take that work phone call that affects your family weekend is in your control so………

Whether you work on your day off is in your control ……..

What your boss thinks of you for working your day off is not in your control…..

What someone thinks of you for not answering an email instantly is not in your control…..

However,  How your family are affected when you work on your rota day is in your control……

as always please comment if you wish and feel free to share.